I’ve been trying to think of something philosophical and profound to say about Earth Day, but this year the words aren’t coming (so forgive what may be a disjointed post). This year, my world feels small. I don’t know how to save the world, so I focus on my own family and my own home. I want to say I’m doing what I can or doing my best, but I don’t feel like I am.
Living on a farm brings me closer to the environment and I’m learning more about how much potential this land has to help. We have our wetlands, grasslands and forests, but what should we be doing with them to make them healthier?
The need is urgent. Our potential to help, given this property, is larger than many people. I want to regenerate our land, diversify our grasses, rebuild our soil, dig out invasive species, plant native species, grow our own food. Though I think about tackling one field or one stand of trees or one section of phragmites along the creek or the pond, I don’t.
Not doing enough.
So I think even smaller. I should be eating locally grown produce, free range eggs, pasture-raised chickens, grass fed meat. The farmers are all around us, and they need support. We should be zero waste, palm oil free, off-grid. But we’re not.
Not doing enough.
Yes, we recycle, compost, reuse, try not to buy too many things, thrift when we need things, have geothermal and solar panels, vote for (hopefully) progressive politicians. But none of it feels like enough given the scale of the disaster we are in.
But I keep trying.
Sometimes, my not enough looks like picking up a battery charger someone dumped at the side of the hiking trail and carry it out of the woods.
Not doing enough. But doing something.
Home on 129 Acres 
At this point in history, we are carrying a huge burden of knowledge. Our nervous systems were designed to deal with a small, local world. But we are bombarded with information about the entire planet, much of it bad news. Sometimes the result of that over-burdening can push us to a part of our nervous system that leads us to shut down. That can happen regardless of how much we don’t want it to, or how much we know we need to be doing. This is a protective response by the nervous system; it is normal and predictable.
When those times come along and the progress that a person desires to make seems out of reach, then doing what you actually can do plays a different role than at other times. I want to compare it to saving money. Imagine that you go through periods of time where you just can’t summon the willpower or the energy to do all the frugal things you know you need to do to save money for the future. Then imagine two scenarios: one is, when you can’t do those things, you give up, shop for emotional release, eat out, etc. The other is, you don’t do all the frugal things but you do the best that you can, trying not to making matters worse. You try and only shop for what you need, cook at home as much as possible, and so on. The long term results are decidedly different between those two scenarios.
I say, be gentle with yourself. Even if you haven’t figured out your ideal plans for making things better, you are still part of the solution. The long term things you are doing, such as protecting the land and using green energy sources, are adding to the positive side, not the negative. There are also many things you’re undoubtedly doing that you’re not calculating into your equation, such as giving your child a happy and secure childhood so that she, too, will grow up to become a reliable part of the solution. Be gentle with yourself. Make your small world (including your internal world) as safe as you can so your nervous system can eventually move into a different state, hopefully the content and productive state. At that time, you may discover you have the wherewithal to move ahead with your dreams and ideals. ❤