I work very hard to be a positive person and put goodness out into the world. So I feel like this isn’t what I want to say, but I have no other description than this past month felt heavy.
I miss Baxter. My Dad. Matt.
Father’s Day, the anniversary of my Dad’s death and a few other occasions weighed on me.
Matt’s Dad is part of the Optimist Club, a service organization in Matt’s hometown. The Club bought us a tree to plant at the farm. I chose a sugar maple, to honour Matt’s love of making maple syrup, and selected a spot near Ellie’s playground overlooking the fields.
It was lovely and special and generous and kind. But it was also sad and harder than I expected.
The last class of kids that Matt was able to teach graduated last week, and the school organized a scholarship in his honour. Lovely and special and generous and kind. But also sad and hard.
Obviously, the world is grappling with some very, very difficult issues, and we felt the impacts of that here at the farm.
Slowly pandemic restrictions are lifting (sometimes it still feels too fast). We have been getting together more with family and friends, but still staying outside and still being cautious about going out very much.
I have been thinking about race and biases and racism and what part I can play, both for myself and for Ellie.
And in the realm of first world problems, we had no internet for about two weeks, which sent work, connecting with family, my Zoom grief counselling group skidding sideways. I’ve been working hard to get caught up.
But we had beautiful warm (sometimes sweltering hot) weather. Our fields had their first cut of hay, and we took Ellie’s annual picture with the bales. (You can see the flashback on my Instagram.) And last night as I walked up the driveway after closing the gate, thousands of fireflies were sparkling all around me as far as I could see.
Every single day has good in it, and that is some of what I am sharing today in my monthly round-up.
How was June for you? What were your bright sides this month?