On Nov. 9, my partner and husband, Ellie’s daddy, Matt died.

Our lives were filled with love and joy, even throughout this terrible journey that we’ve been on for the last two years. Our lives are still filled with love and joy.

All of the best things in my life happened because of Matt. Ellie. This farm. The fact that he asked me to go out on a date 21+ years ago. He has given me the most incredible gifts, and we have built a wonderful life together. He has an amazing legacy, and we are carrying that on.

In keeping with Matt’s wishes that “everything is for Ellie,” our family has set up a Go Fund Me campaign for her. People’s generosity has amazed me, and reading everyone’s comments has been very comforting.

All of the support and prayers that we have received over the last two years has meant so much. Thank you to everyone who has been part of that.

There’s a very special project at the farm that I have wanted to do for years. A family photo shoot.

Aside from our wedding, Matt and I don’t have any professional photos. Since moving to the farm, I’ve wanted to have a photographer come here to this place that’s so special to us.

With the addition of Ellie, my desire for photos only increased. So for my birthday in September, I reached out to a local photographer and booked a shoot.

We kept things fairly simple. Just a half hour. Outside at the farm. Wearing our regular clothes (although this was Ellie’s first time in jeans and I did put on makeup).

Top on my wishlist was a photo of all of us–Ralph, Baxter, Ellie, Matt and me. But I wasn’t sure we could make it happen. Ralph was the wildcard because she’s occasionally not around. But as soon as the photographer arrived, Ralph came out of the barn, tossed her head and struck a pose–basically saying, “I’m ready for my close-up.”

At one point the photographer suggested some shots of us sitting on the driveway. My reaction was to smile, and she said, “What? Is that weird?” And I said, “Having a long driveway was one of my requirements when we were looking for a farm. So having photos done on the driveway is actually perfect.”

For Bax though, the driveway photos were a bit weird. He sat slightly behind the photographer off to the side for awhile, and then he slowly moved closer and closer. Until, “This sitting on the driveway thing is weird, but if this is what we’re doing, okay.” (Aside. This sequence resulted in my favourite photos from the whole shoot. Matt’s facial expression is so natural and so happy. Please ignore my awkward, not at all natural, attempt to lay my head on his shoulder.)

Hiring a professional is so worth it. She understands lighting and setting and composition and equipment. It’s very different from getting a family member or friend with a “good camera” to come over and take some pictures. Plus, photographing a dog, cat, baby and two self-conscious adults is not an easy task.

(Our photographer was Ashley of One Love Storytelling Photography. Her storytelling approach resonated with me so much. You can check out her site to see wonderful photos of other beautiful families.)

These photos are something I know we will always treasure. It is so special to mark this time in our lives and have this record of all of us together.

Before my Dad died, maybe even before I was pregnant with Ellie, I said to Matt one night how sad I was that if we ever had children they would never know their grandfather. My Dad’s Parkinson’s was progressing, and coupled with dementia he wasn’t himself anymore. Matt said, “There is more than one way to know someone.” My wise husband.

So I make sure to tell Ellie about her grandfather and teach her some of the things that my Dad taught me.

Today is an important day for our family and part of the tradition I want to pass on to Ellie. Remembrance Day.

This is the day when I think about my grandfather, another man that I want Ellie to know.

The annual Remembrance Day service at the legion in my hometown is something I shared with my Dad every year. It was different this year.

My Dad was not there in person.

But we went with Ellie. And we talk to her over the day about her grandfather and great grandfather. We will carry on the tradition with her.

I feel my Dad’s spirit every day. So he was there still. And so was Ellie.

In the early days of this blog, my Dad was a regular presence. He showed up in photos and posts as we shared the various projects we were working on.

Over the years, his presence here has slowly dwindled as Parkinson’s Disease took more and more of his body and his mind.

A few weeks ago, Parkinson’s Disease took his life.

Way too soon.

We are mourning that he was taken from us. But we are also mourning everything that was taken from him. More time at the farm or the house he built with my Mom, helping my brother and sisters with their houses. Time with Ellie and his other grandchildren. Time with his garden, his lathe, his boat–all of the things and places and people that he loves.

We grieve what has been taken. But we celebrate everything that he has given us.

A few years ago, I wrote about how I became a DIYer. I said, “When it comes to the renovation and home improvement side of my DIY personality, my biggest influence is my Dad.”

I see my Dad in so much of the farm.

When we first moved in, Dad was here every weekend, helping us put the basement back together. A contractor, he ran his own business and worked construction all week, and then he gave us his weekends, doing more.

He supervised trades, leaving us notes to let us know how things went. He advised us, he supported us and he taught us.

This note, left on the day we had our new well drilled, gives details on the well and pump and ends with “Drinks is on me. Love Dad.” He had filled the glasses outside with water from the new well.

He is the most selfless person I know and does everything for his family.

The major reason we felt ready to take on the farm and actually looked for a fixer-upper was that we knew Dad was there for us. He’d been with us through our first house and I’d worked many summers with him in his business.

He helped us to achieve this dream of having a farm and making it what we want. I feel him here, even as I miss working with him. Being at the farm gives me an amazing feeling of peace. I would not be here without him.

All my life, my Dad included me, taught me, gave me confidence and spent time with me.

My Dad took every chance to tell me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how happy he is to see who I have become. Especially as he neared the end of his life, he made sure we had no doubt how he feels about us.

I love the life that Matt and I have built together. I hope that we can give Ellie the love, guidance, work ethic, responsibility, kindness, strength and confidence that my Dad and Mom give me.

Dad, I am so grateful for the life you have given me. Thank you. I love you so much.

We’ve been encouraging people to honour our Dad with a few suggestions that are in keeping with how he lived his life:

• Get together with a friend or family member whom you haven’t seen in awhile

• Donate blood at your next local blood donor clinic

• Donate to Parkinson Canada or the Alzheimer Society of Canada

• Help a child have a fun experience outdoors (take them yourself or donate to a children’s charity camp)

If you choose to do any of these things, it would mean a lot if you’d share it with me in the comments.