Farm-iversary 12

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Saturday marked 12 years since the farm became ours. Ellie, Cigo and I had a great day. We had nowhere to be, nothing pressing to do and no one to see. We kept the gate closed (which has always been a sign of a good day for me) and boiled sap, crafted, swung, tidied, played and enjoyed our time together.

Sometimes I question the farm. Is it the right choice for us?

Would life be easier or happier if we lived somewhere else? A neighbourhood where Ellie could play with other kids or ride her bike on asphalt. Somewhere we could walk to the library or the park. A yard where I could handle the grass and snow myself (but still have room for a garden and chicken coop).

I follow a few bloggers who have downsized or tried country living and then returned to town. They write about how happy they are and how it was the right move for their families. Should I consider changing my mind?

On Saturday, those questions didn’t enter my mind. We had a balance of work and play, inside and outside. Cigo had two big runs (and reminded me that it’s pointless to give him a bath at noon if I’m going to let him go for another run after lunch). Ellie played on her swing (who needs a park?), rode around in the trailer, understood the need to do a little early season outside clean-up and was willing to help, explored along the creek, experimented with her loose parts obstacle course and so much more.

She is an independent, confident, capable child, and the farm is a huge part of that.

I asked Ellie a few weeks ago if she’s ever considered living somewhere else. She looked at me like I had three heads, and said, “No.” She loves the farm, and I hope that I can continue to build that feeling for her.

Part of my desire to stay on the farm is her future. I am not optimistic about climate change and the future of the world. The farm is protection—food, self-sufficiency, safety—if she needs it someday. It’s also my chance to do a little bit for climate change—protecting nature, sequestering carbon, restoring soil and forests.

It’s also Matt. The farm was both of our dreams, but when we got here I saw that the farm was vital to Matt in a deep way. I don’t want to betray that.

There are other good reasons to be here, both practical and emotional. Financially, we can live here fairly affordably. Philosophically, I believe this lifestyle is good for us. Creatively, I love a fixer-upper house and the property, barn, gardens and house inspire me so much.

No matter the questions, I come back to how important the farm is to me spiritually. Rereading my previous farm-iversary posts, the theme that is constant through the past 12 years is how special this experience is and how meaningful it is for me. That is still true.

The spirituality of it has changed over the years. Now it’s less about the beauty and peace of the property and more about experiencing it with Ellie and seeing her thrive and enjoy it.

We go through seasons in life, and this season is about her. This season is also likely the source of some of my questions. Managing the property on my own with a young child is a big juggle. I’m not doing as many projects as I want to because I can’t right now. But going through the weekend where she took on some of the work and recognized the need to care for the farm filled my spirit.

This farm, her, me. Matt and the generations that have been here before us. The animals, plants, water and life. There is magic here. I am grateful for the 12 years that we’ve had, and I’m here for the future of our family at this farm.

Odds & sods

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The highlight of this month (as in every February) is Ellie’s birthday. Our girl is six. I am so proud of what a smart, kind, enthusiastic, giving, curious person she is. It’s amazing to watch her grow and learn and see who she is becoming.

We celebrated with treats at school, a trip to a butterfly conservatory, a party with friends here at the farm and dinners (yes, plural) with cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It’s been a big birthday month.

Online, it’s easy to present a “highlight reel.” Only those moments that are shiny and idyllic. We have lots of those in our life. But there’s also reality. A sixth birthday is exciting. It’s also exhausting, and there are lots of big feelings to go with that.

Baking cakes, finding the right presents, planning special outings, designing an epic scavenger hunt, and coordinating everything all take a lot of energy too. (Though it’s worth it for all of the fun things I was able to do with our girl.) While my mood swings have been less than Ellie’s, I’m ending this month pretty tired.

But it’s winter break for the college, so I will be taking advantage of not teaching to regroup this week. My to-do list is a bit ambitious, but hopefully I can find some rest too.

Amongst the busy birthday-ness of the month, here are some things that caught my attention.

This historic mansion is for sale. I can’t decide if my favourite feature is the porch or the staircase.

Beyonce’s new song has been stuck in my head since the Super Bowl. It’s certainly catchy, but I wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet. (Anyone want to learn the dance with me?)

Anything can be listified. Ellie got this book for Christmas and it’s been so interesting to read together. (It is great for “stumble upon” learning.)

My book of the month. (I’ve ordered book two in the hopes that I’ve found a new mystery series to read.)

Inspiration for my next trip with Ellie. (Matt’s Mom’s family is Swiss, so that gives us a great excuse to go, right?)

“Rest is not the absence of activity but the presence of peace.”

Jo Saxton

I will be finishing February with marking, lesson planning, catching up with some clients, income tax prep, sap boiling, a trip to the dentist, lunch with my Mom and hopefully meeting up with another friend. My big hope is that I’ll have time to work on the finishing touches for Ellie’s room, so I can share a reveal of that soon. It’s a leap year. Maybe that extra day will do the trick.

Have you had any special celebrations in February? How are you spending your leap year?

A new pillow palette in my bedroom

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One thing leads to another, as is often the case with home projects. My plan last month to take the old headboard out of our room led to little unintended refresh.

First I bought new pink pillowcases. Then I started thinking about accent pillows. I quickly realized I had some small pillows that I use every night, but I never displayed them on the bed because their covers weren’t coordinated and they didn’t look nice enough. Instead, I piled them on the dresser every morning–which wasn’t a great look either.

So I went fabric shopping. I had planned to buy some pink velvet for one large accent pillow and navy fleece for a pair of smaller pillows. But browsing the velvets, I had a brainwave. What about sage green? I like sage and pink together. I like sage and navy (the colour of our walls). I was already planning on navy and pink. So I mixed in some green for new palette.

I also downsized the king size pillows that didn’t fit properly on my double mattress. I considered modifying my king size shams to make them fit, but then I remembered some simple white pillowcases I had in the linen cupboard. I’m sure one of my relatives knit the lace that edges these cases. A soak in some Oxiclean and a spin in the washer cleaned them up fairly well.

Now I have a fresh, pretty pile of pillows on my bed. They look pretty, and they’re useful too. Every night I construct a cozy nest of pillows all around me. One of the little green pillows even goes on my head (weird, I know, but it helps me sleep).

I feel proud that I put some effort into making my space nice for me. I also enjoy having a home project. This was a small update that felt manageable with the other things that I’m currently juggling. And now, I have a cozy, beautiful space for myself.

What’s a colour combination that you like? Anyone else have a pile of pillows on your bed? Do you sleep in a pillow nest?

On goals, targets, tracking

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In case it’s not clear, I like having plans and goals. The blog is a great way to hold myself accountable. Whether it’s home goals or the One Room Challenge, saying publicly, “I’m going to do something” gives me extra motivation to follow through.

(BTW, if productivity, discipline, focus and motivation are among your goals for 2024, this podcast has some good tips.)

Tracking progress is also motivating. As I was setting new home goals for 2024 and looking back at how I did in 2023, I started thinking about some other things I tracked last year. So in the spirit of motivation and accountability, I’m going to share them here.

Walking

Hiking with Cigo is one of my favourite things to do. Last year, we hiked 466.3km. (I use the Map My Walk app.) This is about 39km a month. I’d like to see if we can make it 42km a month this year (the distance of a marathon). To be honest, we’re probably already there, as I don’t track walks we do around the farm or hikes with Ellie. But I’ll continue to skip those and try to find an extra 3km in my month. Hiking is pretty much my only exercise (aside from working around the farm), so increasing this would not be a bad thing.

Monkey Bars

I have one “workout” that I added to my routine last summer. The route I walk on Sundays includes a small set of monkey bars. So since the summer (after hearing on the 1,000 Hours Outside podcast about the benefits of different types of movement and hanging), I have been trying to do the monkey bars. At first, I fell off every time. But by December, I made it to the end–eight monkey bars. Yesterday, I turned around and did them twice. What else should I try? A chin up?

Reading

Last year I tracked the books I read for the first time. Reading is a huge part of my life (and I’m still a paper-reading, library-visiting bibliophile). In 2023, I read 63 books (plus 2 that I didn’t finish). Finishing Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache series accounted for a 13 of those books. Another 15 were non-fiction. To Speak For The Trees by Diana Beresford-Kroeger (please consider reading any of her books–she is amazing on nature and climate change) and Outlive by Peter Attia were standouts. I’m hoping I’ll make it to 50 books in 2024.

1,000 Hours Outside

This will be our fourth year doing the 1,000 Hours Outside challenge. I love this movement and have come to believe strongly in the value of free play, unstructured time, and time outside. Last year, we spent 1,108 hours outside and made it to 1,000 on Nov. 3. I’m curious how we’ll do this year. This is a challenge that even when you lose, you win.

Family Albums

I started making a yearly family photobook when Ellie was born, but I’ve missed a few years. I recently made our 2023 album, and it’s so lovely to have all of those memories in one convenient place. (I use Blurb.) I’m motivated to go back and make the missing books.

Rest

My word of the year. Rest is truly a challenge for me. My goal in January (and continuing) was to be in bed around 11 two nights a week. Coming up with a strategy (finish work at 10, take Cigo out, brush teeth, read for a few minutes to try to turn off my brain) and a target (2 nights a week) is very helpful. I also instituted a rule that I can’t start anything new after 11, so on those nights I don’t shut down by 11, I’m trying to be not too many hours beyond it. I’ve also started plugging my phone in to charge in the mudroom by 10, which helps to remove one source of distraction and delay. So far I’m doing not too bad. I also downloaded a habit tracking sheet from Passion Planner so I can note the nights that I achieve my goal.

Speaking of Passion Planner, it is a really good goal setting, task prioritizing tool. I’ve used this planner for more than 5 years. I also tried “time boxing” recently, a technique recommended by Nir Eyal on the podcast I mentioned above, and it’s helped me to plan my time and feel more focused.

Writing this post, I found it interesting that so many of my goals are about well-being. Making good use of my time, getting outside, spending time together, relaxing, being healthier, and holding onto memories are all part of the overall quality of our life. It’s worthwhile to spend some time thinking–and writing–about them.

What activities do you track? Do you have any goals that are more personal this year?

Two years with Cigo

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Today marks two years since we adopted Cigo. As I did last year, I’m writing him a letter, inspired by Tracey at love lives on.

Dear Cigo,

Thank you for another great year (porcupine notwithstanding). You bring so much to our family. Energy, silliness, fun, patience, gentleness, enthusiasm, love.

When we’re out, people often ask what kind of dog you are. I usually reply that you are a “who-knows.” As they’re nodding solemnly because yes, of course they’ve heard of that breed, I usually follow up with you’re a “good-dog.” Because that’s the best descriptor of you (although Grandma calls you an exceptional dog).

I watch Ellie trying to teach you to “twirl,” a treat clutched in her little hand. But her arm is too short and you are too big. You give her your best sit and then windmill your head around as she whirls her arm around you. You try to figure out what she wants you to do, and when she finally gives up and tosses the treat across the room, you dash after it and then come back to try again.

I am so grateful for your patience and calm. And I laugh as I watch the two of you together.

I enjoy that I am your person. Your enthusiasm when I come home from work or your glances over your shoulder as we’re hiking or how you lay beside me as I work show me your love. I’m also grateful that moving your bed into my room has stopped the early morning crying outside my door.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not giving you enough or I don’t love you enough. In this season of my life, the minutes feel particular full, so I don’t sit and pet you very much. There are days when a walk down the driveway is all we do. As I spread my attention around to all the people and things that need it, you get what is left over, which sometimes doesn’t feel like very much. But while the minutes are full and my attention is small, the place you hold in my life is large.

Thank you for bringing so much to our lives. It’s hard to believe it’s been only two years. You are such an important part of our family, it seems like you’ve always been here.

Love, Julia

I used to write for ThatMutt.com. Its former owner wrote a thoughtful essay on The ‘Other’ Dogs. This quote fit in with some of what I was thinking about as I wrote this letter to Cigo.

“Dogs do not ask us to be the best version of ourselves. They just love us for being ourselves.”

Odds & sods

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How has the beginning of 2024 been for you? Ours has been up and down. We had some birthdays and get-togethers, and we had some lows. We sledded in the fields and skated on the pond, and then watched the water level rise in a big thaw.

Friday was Matt’s and my 16th wedding anniversary. The day hurts less, but it’s still hard that he’s not here for it. As I was heading out to pick up Ellie from school, I turned on my music in the car, and the first song that came on (when I picked a random shuffle) was the song we danced to at our wedding.

At first, I wasn’t really in the mood. I believe I said something like, “Really? You think I can handle this right now?” But then I quickly switched to being grateful. Matt, my Dad, his Mom, the universe, whoever was sending me a message, and it was coming from a place of love.

Some people would say that moments like this are just coincidence. But I don’t agree. For me, they’re a sign that the universe is on my side. That Matt is still with me. That there is so much love.

So I turned off shuffle and put the song on repeat. Once from Matt to me, and the second time from me to him. Because while I receive what the universe gives me, I also want to send goodness out.

Here is some more giving and receiving, from me to you.

These mystery day trips were my favourite gift to give this Christmas–and they worked for kids and adults

What can the construction industry learn from Taylor Swift?

Three words to describe Arnold Schwarzenegger: surprising, impressive, thoughtful

See how many people you can smile at tomorrow

“joy is supposed to slither through
the cracks of your imperfect life…
you can only be ready
when she appears
and hug her with meaning
because in this very moment
joy chose you”

Joy Chose You by Donna Ashworth (via @harrybakerpoet)

This is the song (“Through the good times and the bad, I’ll be standing there by you”)

This week, I’m finishing off the month with something new. I’m donating blood today, which I haven’t done in many years. I’m also hoping to make a few tweaks in Ellie’s room or mine… or both if the universe is on my side.

How was January for you? Does anyone else see signs from the universe? What are you hoping to accomplish this week?

The little things

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One of my hesitations about blogging this year is whether I will have enough to share. The commitment of having a new post every Monday is completely self-imposed, but I like writing and sharing. And I like the motivation the blog gives me.

But sometimes I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to share. Case in point, this week. (A whole three weeks into January, and I already don’t have anything to write about.) This week you get a post about pillowcases. Although they are new pretty pink pillowcases.

I often find another benefit of blogging is that writing about the things I want to do helps me figure out how I will tackle them. For example, writing about the old headboard tucked up against the wall in my bedroom last week made me realize I didn’t need to find a spot for it in the cold cellar. I could put it in the barn instead.

So I carried the headboard out to the barn.

Enthused by the new breathing space behind my bed, I bought some new pillowcases. Two summers ago, I saw a picture of a navy bedroom with pink accents. It looked pretty and gave me some inspiration for how to freshen up my space. It only took me two years to act on it.

I’m loving the pink, and I have some ideas of where I can bring a bit more into the room… and how I can adjust the old king size shams and pillows to fit my double bed.

So even though getting rid of the old headboard and adding new pillowcases are little things, I’m sharing them today. Because these little things made me happy last week and they matter.

Have you made any little tweaks in your home recently? Anyone else take time to work through projects in your mind first? Who else has pink in their home?

Home Goals 2024

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Looking ahead to projects for 2024, I feel like I need a bit of a reset. So this year’s home goals list is pretty modest. There are some familiars (vegetable garden), some get back on track (coop), some finish it off (driveway) and some regroup (clean up).

Read on for more details about what I’m hoping to accomplish this year.

Driveway

In 2020 we built the garage and mudroom. In 2023 we built the patio. The last thing to finish off the south side of the house is to pave the driveway. I’m not paving the whole lane, but I would like to have one section with a solid surface. It makes for easier plowing and maintenance. It will also give our girl a smooth spot for biking and scootering, rather than riding circles inside the garage (or testing the limits of training wheels in the snow).

Coop

The coop returns for another year. First up, framing a new wall to close up the side of the barn. This has been on my to-do list for more than a year, and I haven’t done it. I met with one of the contractors who built our garage last week to see how much it will cost to have him build the wall. I expect it will be out of my budget, but talking through the plan with him has made me feel like maybe it is DIYable. And then I can save my budget for other things like eavestrough, electrical and fences.

Vegetable garden

As you saw in my Home Goals 2023 wrap up, the vegetable garden was a bit of a disappointment last year. I’m hoping we can get back on track and make some more progress this year.

Clean-up inside

This goal is probably my biggest reset. I’m currently feeling like every single space in our house needs tweaking, organizing, purging. I’m honestly not sure where to start as I also feel like I’m in the middle of a stack of dominoes. I need to move the old king-size headboard out of my room, but I need a space to put it, which means reorganizing the cold cellar (or stashing it in the barn). Reorganizing the cold cellar means building better lumber storage in the garage. (And I can play this game for pretty much every room in our house.) This goal is a good example of why it’s helpful to “just start,” because anything will be progress.

Clean-up outside

There is always an area to clean up outside. This year I’m focusing on two big brush piles, continuing to maintain the septic bed, and working my way further along the “junk pile.” With 129 acres, narrowing my focus is essential, but I feel like I made good progress on the clean up category last year, and hopefully this year I can build on that.

I’m looking forward to getting back on track, making progress, and crossing some things off my list this year. Stay tuned.

Do you have any home goals for this year? Anyone else feel like they need a reset?

Looking back at Home Goals 2023

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Last year was a different kind of year. I started a new job as a college instructor. We took a big trip to Ireland and had other getaways and day trips. This meant that there wasn’t as much time for working on the farm.

As we start 2024, I feel like I left a lot undone last year. But as I look back at the goals I set for 2023, I feel like maybe I didn’t do too bad.

Here’s a review of some of what we did and last year’s home goals.

Coop

My plan was to have the coop completely finished by the end of the year so that we’re ready to bring home some chicks this spring. That did not happen. Our landscapers cleared the old foundation, Matt’s Dad helped tear apart the roof sections and burned a lot of the old wood. I piled more lumber that I hope to reuse and cleaned up the area inside the barn where I want to build. But we still have a big hole in the side of the barn and no pens inside. I’m not giving up, though. The coop will return this year along with other barn upgrades, like eavestrough, exterior lighting and probably some more electrical.

Patio

The driveway patio was the biggest success of last year. Our contractors were great and the result is fabulous. With a comfortable dedicated dining spot, we ate breakfast outside every day and many other meals as well. The herb garden surprised me with how well it did and we were still clipping herbs into December. The new border of rocks around the garden adds so much to the front of the house. The patio is a small area, but it’s added so much to the house and how we live. I am thrilled with how this project worked out.

Swing set

The swing set was another success–and something I accomplished (mostly) on my own. The swing set is big enough for our girl and strong enough for underdoggies. I think it will also grow with her as she learns to swing more on her own and uses the hanging bar and rings more. I also made a few other playground upgrades at the same time, spreading mulch, attaching a ladder to Ellie’s climbing tree, and adding a flag to her treehouse. It’s become a great play zone for her that will last for years.

Vegetable garden

The vegetable garden ties with the coop for my biggest failure. I started 2023 feeling optimistic and even ambitious, so I think that makes it harder that by fall the garden just… fizzled. The timing of my new job and our trip coincided with clean-up season, and eventually I closed the gate and walked away. The raspberries have not been pruned and dead plants have not been pulled. Never mind new mulch, compost, pathways, or growing beds. The garden is another project that will return though.

Turnaround garden

The turnaround garden saw some progress last year, though it’s still pretty haphazard. We added more transplants from a friend, some garden decor with my Dad’s bike and a memorial for Matt’s Mom with a strawberry hydrangea tree. Every garden is a work in progress and an ongoing project. The turnaround feels all that even more. We will keep working at it.

Ellie’s bedroom

A year ago, I wasn’t sure I could convince Ellie to switch rooms. But once we started the makeover, she was all in and eventually set a deadline for me to finish the project because she was so excited to move in. “Finish” is slightly conditional as there are a few details that I still want to do, but she is fully settled and has added lots of details to make it her own. And we’re both sleeping better with a little more space between us.

Like every year, 2023 was a mix. There is no shortage of work on a farm and a fixer-upper house. Just mowing the grass regularly felt like an accomplishment (and thank goodness my cousin came every other week to help me with that). But we did more than that too.

I used the rotary cutter more than I ever have before and did it on my own. Our septic bed and the upper edge of our front field are now in “maintenance mode,” which is big progress. We also did lots of clean-up: picking up litter, clearing overgrown areas, and cutting trees (Matt’s Dad gets credit for this).

Despite feeling a bit discouraged on the project front, I am proud of the balance we found last year. We did so many things, both on and off the farm, and the year was full of fun, love and joy. For us, that’s what life is about. It’s not what the house looks like or whether the property is perfectly groomed. What matters is the people who are here and the things we do together. Projects are part of that, but there’s a lot more too, and that guided our time in 2023.

Did you do any projects–big or small–at your house last year? Did anything disrupt your plans?

Word of the year: Rest

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I’ve been musing about what word I want to choose (last year’s word) as my guide for this year. One word keeps coming to mind, but I’ve been resisting it.

Rest.

Rest is something I’m not good at. As I’ve reflected on my words of the year, I’ve realized past words have not really been stretches for me. (Balance … Slow … Resolve … Focus … Content … Choose.)

It’s not difficult for me to focus on Ellie, Cigo, the farm. I love the life we make and I’m pretty content overall.

Rest, though. That feels hard.

Then last night, as I scrolled through my phone after Ellie went to bed, I saw this quote:

“If busyness is your drug, rest will feel like stress.”

Oh, I can identify with that.

Then another quote from the same post:

“Every single human function is improved or enhanced with sleep.”

I’ve been thinking about sleep a lot this past year. Once I go to bed, I sleep. But making myself go there is hard. Busyness wins most of the time. I can always find something else to do. Part of it is the season of life that I’m in where working til 3am sometimes feels needed. Part of it is choice.

But I’ve read about how important sleep is for long-term health, and I know I need to better.

So as I stay up later than I should tonight to write a blog post I had decided earlier today to put off, I feel like the universe is speaking to me. The word that has been floating around in my head for the last few weeks came out into the world and appeared in front of my eyes. I try to listen to the universe when it speaks. So I’m choosing rest as my word of the year.

This will be a goal for me. I’m going to have to make some changes and come up with some strategies to choose rest. But I think it’s time to stretch myself a bit more and it’s worth the attempt.

Busy is my comfort zone. Rest is not.

But here’s to a more restful 2024.

Happy New Year to you. I hope that 2024 brings goodness, whatever that looks like for you.